there is a reason why i fail at calling people back right away, or prefer sending out an email to plan a get together. the sound of a ringing phone gives me anxiety attacks. there are different levels of dread related to the phone. check out the handy scale (1 being "no sweat. i can take that call." to 10 "f***! can i just email or something? why is it hot in here? why are my palms so sweaty?"):
my guide to phone-phobia
1 - answering a call from a friend (provided i am not busy and/or feel like talking)
2 - telling telemarketers that so-and-so is not home and if they want to leave a message (no? ok, bye.)
3 - returning a call from a friend after seeing they left something on my voicemail
4 - leaving a voicemail for a friend because s/he left a message. phone tag is not fun, and i usually end up leaving a VERY awkward message, "uhhhh...sooo, yeah. you called me? so i'm returning your call. ok, so uuuh, i guess i'll call you back. or you call me back. whatever! oh, ummm. gosh! (nervous laugh) i hate phone tag. ok, bye."
5 - getting a work related phone call. i find that when i have to talk about a certain topic, it's slightly better.
6 - calling a sales/product rep for information about a certain material. (please go to voicemail. please go to voicemail...yes!) "hi, this is so-and-so from so-and-so architects. please call me back."
7 - calling potential employers to follow-up on a job application/query. i'm just glad that most companies don't want you harrassing them with phone calls anymore. did i say that email is the best invention, up to par with
the bacon alarm clock?
8 - calling former employers/professors to ask for something: recommendations, references, etc. i suck at engaging in small talk and i can't segue into anything smoothly, "so speaking of jet skis, can i put you down as a reference?"
9 - manning the phones for an hour while the receptionist goes on an errand. that whole hour will consist of me thinking, "please don't ring. please be a hang-up. please be a wrong number. how do i transfer again? aaaargh, where is that extension cheat sheet?! WHY IS THE GODDAMN PHONE RINGING! AGAIN! why is that button blinking?" all the while, my heart would be beating rapidly when i hear the ringing, and i'd have to take a deep breath as i answer the phone in my most professional voice, "good morning/afternoon. so-and-so architects." (by the way, that greeting was the winner of the six greeting versions i had practiced in my head.)
somewhere between dread level 9 and 10 is a phone-related activity that i need to mention: cold-calling a list of people to talk about a fundraiser, a program, what have you. it actually doesn't matter what i'm talking about, the experience is going to be horrible anyway. i KNOW i'm intruding with whatever it is they're doing, and i KNOW they don't want to hear any part of my spiel. so yeah, pain all around.
10 - making me answer the phone for a whole work day! see 9 and multiply the sporadic anxiety attacks 100x, then add a dose of nervous coughing fits and silent groans. in hell, they will make me answer the phone for all the billions of souls there and make sure that the extension list is not alphabetized, and that no one will teach me how to forward straight to voicemail.
so bottom line, if you want a fast and well-articulated response from me, send me email or a text. better yet, just talk to me in person. if you want to hear garbled syllables together, then by all means, give me a ring. if i don't pick up, it means i haven't yet figured out what to awkwardly say back when i return you call.
